musings

Incidents with Online Dating

When I made the online dating profile, I didn’t have very high hopes about it but one of my coworkers found his wife there (she’s a lawyer, he’s a director of a department) and another colleague who works for Yelp found her boyfriend (who works for Apple). This made me think that there were normal people with real normal jobs who frequented online dating sites.
I’ve been proved very very wrong.

you sound like a typical asian, minus majoring in Medieval Studies…I am guessing you were raised in a white family?

Not off to a good start there, saying that I’m a typical Asian (whether or not this is true is not the issue). No White Guy, I wasn’t raised by white people. Is it so bad to have varied interests and (attempt to) enter a field dominated by caucasian males?*
Here’s another that made me laugh (not in a good way):
Hi how are you
I was checking your profile and on it you said ; books:
olive oil
wine
a good baguette
almond croissant
cool books
You know how to copy and paste! Good job. What the heck is that semi-colon doing there?!
And another:
Sarah, you majored in Medieval Studies? So without Googling it, I’m going to mess with you in the precise way that it sounds….I CHALLENGE YOU….TO A DATE! *slaps Sarah’s face with a glove*If you’re not smiling or laughing by the end of it, you can hang me.
If I leave you in awe, then you’ll let me unlock your chastity belt.=P
This was by far the worst. Leave me and my chastity belt alone. I’ve got a man-eating dragon, 1000 foot tower and acres of overgrown thorny rose bushes between me and your obvious ignorance in Medieval Studies and horribly inappropriate sense of humor. Online dating is already creepy– you don’t need to add to the creepiness.
Lastly:
Hi Sarah, how have you been? How is your weekend? It is a long weekend. I hope that you are enjoying it.
By the way sorry to keep bothering you.
-Carlos
I didn’t respond the first time, Carlos. I’m not going to do so now. Stop bothering me.
Omygosh guys.

forever alone meme

*this is changing though!

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musings

dating advice from beauty & the beast

Last night I pretended to be in college again by hanging out until 12:30am (so late for me now!) and watching a Disney movie, specifically Beauty and the Beast.

I haven’t seen this movie since I was a young child but always loved it because it has 1. books and 2. french people. Also, who can dislike this movie? The ugly guy gets to be pretty and the poor girl gets rich! Anyway, there is another component to this movie that makes it absolutely awesome: it can be used as a guide to the do’s and dont’s of dating. And of course, as a singleton I’m obviously obsessed with this topic.

Without anymore hullabaloo, let’s begin with the “Don’t”s:

Don’t

1. Don’t bribe the manager of a mental hospital to institutionalize  your intended’s father until she marries you.

2. Don’t throw your intended into the family dungeons when she comes over to visit.

3. As a matter of fact, don’t throw your intended’s father into said dungeons either, at any point in time.

4. Don’t forget your table manners.

5. Don’t lose your temper. But if you do, and she runs into a dangerous situation because she was running away from you, save her. Now she’s indebted to you forever.

Do:

1. Do gift your intended with chocolates, flowers, and make promises you can’t keep (quote from Cogsworth)

2. Do give entire libraries and their contents to your intended.

3. Do keep your intended in your home against her will until Stockholm’s Syndrome takes effect.

4. Do lack the basic qualities of a civilized man, i.e. pretend to not know how to read. She can feel smart and you can spend time with her.

5. Do have friends (or lackeys) willing to help you in your quest for romance. They can do the hard work: create lavish dinners, prepare a ballroom, and otherwise generally set the mood.

Now, armed with these Ten Commandments of Dating According to Beauty & the Beast, go forth, conquer, and .. multiply.

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