musings

dating advice from beauty & the beast

Last night I pretended to be in college again by hanging out until 12:30am (so late for me now!) and watching a Disney movie, specifically Beauty and the Beast.

I haven’t seen this movie since I was a young child but always loved it because it has 1. books and 2. french people. Also, who can dislike this movie? The ugly guy gets to be pretty and the poor girl gets rich! Anyway, there is another component to this movie that makes it absolutely awesome: it can be used as a guide to the do’s and dont’s of dating. And of course, as a singleton I’m obviously obsessed with this topic.

Without anymore hullabaloo, let’s begin with the “Don’t”s:

Don’t

1. Don’t bribe the manager of a mental hospital to institutionalize  your intended’s father until she marries you.

2. Don’t throw your intended into the family dungeons when she comes over to visit.

3. As a matter of fact, don’t throw your intended’s father into said dungeons either, at any point in time.

4. Don’t forget your table manners.

5. Don’t lose your temper. But if you do, and she runs into a dangerous situation because she was running away from you, save her. Now she’s indebted to you forever.

Do:

1. Do gift your intended with chocolates, flowers, and make promises you can’t keep (quote from Cogsworth)

2. Do give entire libraries and their contents to your intended.

3. Do keep your intended in your home against her will until Stockholm’s Syndrome takes effect.

4. Do lack the basic qualities of a civilized man, i.e. pretend to not know how to read. She can feel smart and you can spend time with her.

5. Do have friends (or lackeys) willing to help you in your quest for romance. They can do the hard work: create lavish dinners, prepare a ballroom, and otherwise generally set the mood.

Now, armed with these Ten Commandments of Dating According to Beauty & the Beast, go forth, conquer, and .. multiply.

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